What you put in your life

Years ago on a rainy day I looked out my back window , out onto the deck and there was this tortoise shell cat.  Huddled there looking up at the window.  I knew this cat was in the neighborhood but had no idea why she came to my door.  I guess the other strays told her I was the go to for food and help. I immediately took her in, called the vet, explained things and had her headed there within the hour.  They checked to make sure she wasn't pregnant again and then fixed her.  When I took her home I stopped once because she was so quiet,  I thought she had passed away for some reason. But we got home and I had no intention of her leaving .  I told my brother we had to keep her in till she healed but then she stayed.  Patches was an altogether different cat , her feelings could be hurt so easily.  If you raised your voice she would hang her head and slowly walk away.  Which broke my heart and I would have to pick her up and love her up so she wasn't so sad.  Patches would come to

 I still have the meltdowns when I think of my sister or happen to glance up at her picture.  Got past the 4th of April , the day she died last year.  My heart felt heavy but I didn't break down.  It was Easter that hit me, she died on Easter morning and it hit me.  Broke down several times that day.  I still want to call her and tell her something I heard I knew she would laugh about.  But she isn't there anymore.  I still talk to her about good and bad things, things that make me happy or sad.    I am going to stop posting about my meltdowns because there is so much more to post about.    I have several hobbies I am doing and learning more about.  I do diamond paintings though at this time I am working on the last one my sister was doing , I will finish it for her , eventually.  Hard to work on it for obvious reasons.  I was doing needle felting but that has fallen by the wayside too.  I may find someone who likes doing it and give them all the materials I have.. or I will wa

 Canada is slowly getting over covid or is it what the government is calling a pandemic?  Was it really as bad as they say?  Is it true what some people think.. just some kind of elaborate cover up?  Were the vaccinations real ?  Was there more to them then what they said?  Will people be sick in years to come for taking the jab? It is not a fully tested vaccine.  It was used for emergency purposes.  But how did they go from telling us it would take years for a vaccine to mere months?  Makes you wonder if this was all some kind of experiment and they had the vaccine long before the virus hit!!  I am starting to be like those conspiracy theorists but they may have some good points to ponder.   Still having some meltdowns, still miss my sister so much. So often I think of something I need to tell her, discuss with her then I remember she isn't there anymore. I go out to the garden , look at her memorial stone and want to cry again.  Then I look at how well the flowers are blooming an

 I started to work on the boxes and totes of Horbies clothes yesterday.  I thought I would just do some of them then and some another time. But once I started the hurt in my heart started, memories flooding and me missing her overwhelmed me .  I cried and knew I had to get them all sorted now.  She had some beautiful clothes some she never even took the tags off.  shirts, sweaters, sweat shirts, pants , shorts.   I kept as much as I could because they were hers. I likely kept more then I myself will ever wear but I had to keep them.  I still ended up with 4 bags to take to Good Will next week.  With all my drawers full and closets full and a box of winter sweat shirts .  I would give them all back if it meant she could come back to us.  I still scream in my mind WHY?  I am still so damned angry at all those "doctors" who she went to see and they didn't help her the way she needed.   When her legs got infected the strong antibiotics they gave her didn't help, she still

 Kind of a rough day yesterday.  Normal all except went to Billy's house to go through my sisters clothes to see if I wanted any.  That was hard but likely not as hard as Billy having to get rid of them.  I think if he had his way he would of kept them.  I ended up with three boxes and two totes yet to look through.  Some I could picture her wearing so I had to have them.  Now to get them in the house and put away . Some for summer some for cooler weather.   Last night I was watching New Amsterdam and when one of the doctors who had been sick with covid woke up and waved at everyone I broke.  The tears flowed and I couldn't stop crying.  All I could see in my head was my sister waving at me from her hospital bed after Kevin and I visited her that last day.  Then the memories began to role.  With things she and I used to do together. Talks we had. Laughs we had together.  Along with the time Billy and I sat with her before she took her last breath.  Will those images ever leave

 It has been a while since I came here to put my thoughts in my blog.  I have been busy getting my gardens ready for when all my new hosta and perennials came or I went to get them.  Now they are all planted (for weeks now) been well watered and so far doing very well.  The hostas I put in full sun are doing well but the trees give them a break from the sun once or twice a day. The redbud tree I put in that looked a bit on the scrawny but healthy side is thriving.  Our there in the sun it has grown to almost twice the size already.  I will have to put chicken wire around it for winter or the bunnies will chew it to pieces before spring when it flowers.  The garden I dug last year became my sisters memorial garden this year.  I have hosta, heuchera, catmint, sedums, grasses, wild lobelia and a few annuals planted in that garden.  Her granite memorial rock is there too   I also put a little memorial marker on Nikkas grave too.  So she will know we will never forget her.  She gave us so m